


Accepting on faith

by jonasnightingale



Series: Heavy Accents & Swollen Ankles [11]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Christmas Fluff, F/M, First Kiss, Getting Together, I Don't Even Know, Idiots in Love, Rollisi, no beta we die like men, otp: I just want her to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28257501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonasnightingale/pseuds/jonasnightingale
Summary: They watch Miracle on 34th Street. Amanda has some revelations.AKA: the Christmas fic no one asked for.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. & Amanda Rollins, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Series: Heavy Accents & Swollen Ankles [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595524
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	Accepting on faith

They’re on her couch, Jesse crowded between them, Billie asleep in his arms when the discomfit bubbles up inside her. _Miracle on 34th Street_ is on and as she watches Dylan McDermott and Elizabeth Perkins make eyes outside the courtroom she’s struck, deeply and suddenly, by the parallels between their lives and this film. All the times they’ve stood in the corridors of the court house, bodies close, eyes filled with words unsaid. He’s the kind, big-hearted lawyer, standing up for goodness against all odds, loving her children as if they were his own, never asking for anything in return. She’s the guarded mother, damaged, keeping him at arms length. She’s suddenly all too aware of his fingers brushing against her shoulder, can feel her heartbeat hammering in her chest, the blush rising up her cheeks.

The tears that prick at her eyes are unexpected. She watches Susan throw her arms around Dorey and Bryan, and feels a thrum of longing cut through her. She hadn’t ever thought that was what she wanted - marriage, kids, the whole picket fence. But watching the scene on her tv makes her realise just how badly she does wish for that; someone beside her on Christmas morning, someone who makes her daughter’s Christmas wish come true. She looks at Carisi, wonders - not for the first time - if that could ever be him. His gaze meets hers with a soft smile in the glow of the screen and she sees the instant he clocks the pool of liquid in her eyes. His face contorts quickly into concern, the arm around Jesse lifting swiftly to her collar. Billie is still against his chest, sleeping soundly, but he turns his form towards her, mouth dropping open around her name. She shakes her head, tips it backwards with a rough laugh and swipes her fingers deftly beneath her eyes. 

He carries Billie to bed, tucks her in with a kiss deposited on her head. Amanda’s heart somersaults at the domesticity of it all. 

When she sneaks from the girls room, closing the door with a soft click behind her, he’s leaning against the kitchen bench. She takes in his rolled up sleeves, the pile of discarded clothing near the door that has left him in just the rumpled shirt and pants. The flash of the trees Christmas lights reflects rainbow colours across his face and there is an exhaustion under his eyes she has grown used to in this past year. So much has changed in these past years, but he’s still there. Through everything, through their fights and their workloads, he’s just as sturdy a pillar in their lives now as ever. 

She pads towards him softly, letting the nights quiet settle onto her shoulders. There’s a question in his eyes, and before he even utters the words she knows what he’s going to ask. It’s unlike her to tear up like that; she can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen her cry. She stops him short by stepping closer, closer than they usually stand. His mouth closes on the unspoken question and his brow creases into a deep furrow. When her eyes dart up to his there is an unchecked vulnerability shining bright in them and he seeks to instantly assure her with a hand on her elbow. The confusion and concern is clear on his face as he ducks to meet her eyes, fingers reaching against her skin. And finally, _finally_ , she closes the space between them, reaching up on her toes to press her lips softly against his. 

His fingers spasm against her arm in surprise before he releases a sigh and cautiously returns the kiss. They part for a breath and his eyes are bright and searching, his lips quirking into an optimistic smile. She doesn’t shy away. Her fingers brush against his cheek, across his temple, nestling into the bed of greys there and she looks at him with such hope that his heart fills. This time he closes the gap, surging forward at the same time he pulls her closer, warmth and love and half a decade of longing on his tongue. The distant sound of carols, the flick of Christmas lights, his hands secure against the flesh of on her lower back - this was all she wanted for Christmas. She pops a button on his shirt - well, almost all she wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> “I'm not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor. You know, I I I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt.” - Miracle on 34th Street


End file.
